The 3rd Annual AFL Punter Awards

We've had the Brownlow, but that is just the warm up for everyone's favourite part of Grand Final week, the 3rd Annual AFL Punter Awards!

The Linda Tripp Award for Best Friend

To Alan Didak, who let poor old Heath Shaw sit in front of all those media people, with his captain confessing he'd probably wouldn't stick up for him at that moment, and look down the camera and lie when he said Didak wasn't in the car. I didn't see what Didak had to say on The Footy Show last week, but I wouldn't believe anything he said anyway. Fortunately for him, someone who does know some truth won't be getting out for at least 35 years.

The Nathan Bassett Memorial Award for Best Ability to ride your Teammates Coattails into the All Australian Team

Now a memorial award as "Fred" has retired, this year it goes to All-Australian Vice Captain Tom Harley. I challenge anyone to name anybody Harley has actually played on this year.

The Josh Kennedy Award for Best Header

To St Kilda debutant Ben McEvoy, who provided the falcon that all falcons will be measured by. The icing on the cake was his delayed "what the f*@k" reaction after the ball had landed 35 metres from where it hit him in the head.

The Horlicks Award for Most Effective Sleeping Aid

To Ross Lyon. I went to a St Kilda function this year when he spoke. It's not a shtick - he really is that boring.

The France Award for Best Surrender

To North Melbourne in Round 22 v Port Adelaide. One of those games where I doubt 10 tackles would have been laid in 4 quarters of football.

The Glen McGrath Award for Most Incredible Performance in Consistency

To Richmond for finishing 9th.

The Peter Taylor Award for Best Plucking from Obscurity

To Marlon Motlop, who went from playing SANFL Reserves one week, to AFL Seniors the next week.

The Osama Bin Laden Award for Most Thorough Search

To the Brisbane Lions. For anyone who sent their resume to the Lions regarding their coaching position, stop sitting by the phone.

The "Grumpy" Award for Angriest Dwarf

Good luck on Saturday, Clarko.

And finally ...

The Jason Akermanis Perpetual Trophy for Worst Ability to Keep Their Mouth Shut

To Robert Fratt ... I mean Richard Pratt, who will continue to build his Carlton team around Kevin Judd and Matthew "Freddy" Krueger. Maybe that "I can't recall" defence Bondy used so well could also be affective for Dicky.